So Friday night I tried on a pair of jeans I hadn’t put on in a while. OMG! They were tighter than “Oh! These got put in the dryer” tight. A mini-closet rage/fit ensued – I pulled myself together then vowed to get my butt back in those jeans. They’re my smallest pair (I know I’m not huge by any means), but I definitely feel my best when things are smoother & taunt (and can wear those jeans comfortably)…so here we go. 1st opportunity:
ME (and my tight jeans) vs Cheese biscuits, wine & Homemade German Chocolate BROWNIEs
It’s a party! What’s at the center of attention (besides our sweet friend, Kirsteen, who’s moving to New Zealand) but an entire island of the best food in Athens and a little mini bar of really cool wines. (The brownies I find later!) So here’s my mental dialog and how I dealt with this particular evening.
Me: Oh! Kirsteen looks fantastic. Everybody looks great! What a nice crowd. A lot of folks I don’t know. What if they think the cute dog on my dress placed right in the middle of my ass looks big? (how did I not see that before I got the dress home?) Anyway, gotta get back in the jeans. Feeling nervous. I see some folks I know. Good.
Wine: Come drink me! Look at all the really cool labels. You know it’s tasty. Loosen up a bit!
Me: No thank you. We (me and my butt that wants to fit into a particular pair of jeans) are running 8 miles tomorrow. Plus, once we have 1 glass, we might want 2. We don’t need those kind of calories tonight, thank you anyway. Don’t want to get dehydrated. Running with a group. We want to do our best.
Wine: But EVERYONE’S drinking. You only live once. You shouldn’t deprive yourself. 1 glass won’t hurt. Don’t be so square. How will 1 glass of wine matter tonight. You’ll be more relaxed. Lord knows you could use a little of that.
Me: I’m pouring myself some Pellegrino! I want to wear those jeans more than I want you – go away wine!
Me: Sipping, chatting. Enjoying all the unique personalities.
THE BUFFET: Neutral. It’s 7:30pm and I haven’t had dinner yet. We don’t need to delay eating because we don’t have any kind of buzz to maintain from the wine. Ok – taking a look. EVERYTHING looks GREAT!
Me: I grab a plate. I start with some yummy looking cabbage salad. (I was later told it was in last month’s Bon Appetite, which I found: http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/member/views/PURPLE-CABBAGE-SALAD-50028771 – but “they” left out the oranges & I hope the vegetable oil too!). Next, asparagus spear wrapped with a very thin slice of cheese and prosciutto ham (wish I had of picked up 2!) A mini flour tortilla with pulled pork w/ avocado & spicy onion/salsa and baby arugula salad-pretty plain. Protein-yeah! Marti’s tenderloin. I get about 2 oz. I’m stopped dead in my tracks. Immobilized, gazing at the cheese biscuits. Eric interrupts my trance. “I’m watching you!” No doubt he’s not the only one!! So a dialog with the biscuit ensues.
Biscuit: You should eat me. Prove to everyone you can be “normal”. You can be ok with eating whatever you want. When will you have the chance to eat like this again. You don’t make biscuits. Enjoy me now – while I’m around. I may never come again. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Me: No thanks. I know you look good. I know you’ll taste divine. I’m going to pass. I don’t have to prove anything to anybody but myself. I want to fit into those jeans more than I want to eat you right now.
Biscuit: Here I am, on Michael’s plate. Not YOUR plate. Just one small bite! Doesn’t count if it’s not on your plate.
Me: Yes it does too count. Ok, one small bite. Yum! Divine. Stopping here.
Seconds at the Buffet: Come on! You need to fuel up for your run tomorrow. There’s healthy choices. You’re not feeling stuffed. You know you like that really full feeling. It’ll give you something to do. Help with that little anxious feeling you have because you’re around a lot of folks you don’t know.
Me: No, I’m going to give my plate to Michael and go get more water. Walk around. See who else I can chat with. Cool. Met a girl at the wine/water table who likes to talk about marathons. Found out she quit her big NYC job and moved with her husband to Berlin for 1 year. REALLY cool! Fascinating. Into her more than I’m into wine & food. We walk into another room. There they are – center stage.
Homemade brownies covered with homemade German Chocolate icing: Woooo! Hooooo! Don’t I look good!!
Me: Holy f’n moly, yes you do!!
Homemade brownies covered with homemade German Chocolate icing: Once in a lifetime opportunity here! When are you going to get the chance to eat me again. Your mamma use to make German chocolate cake for you every birthday. You haven’t had me in sooooooooo long. Just a little taste of childhood. What will 1 brownie hurt? Prove your normal. If you don’t give into your cravings – they say it will haunt you. You have to give into your cravings they say or it will haunt you with a binge. You’re setting yourself up for a binge.
Me: Whatever. I wasn’t craving you before I saw you. You’re a temptation. No doubt you will taste good. OMG you will taste good. But no thank you.
Hostess: Yes, they’re soooo good! I’ll give you 2 to take home to Janie & Sam.
Me: Oh good! I can sneak 2 out of here in the name of Sam & Janie. Eat it in private. No one will know.
Me: No! What you eat in private shows up in public. We want to fit into those jeans more than we want that brownie.
Conversations with several folks takes place right beside the brownies for about 20 min.
Me: Engaged in conversation. Not eating brownies. I see someone I know eat 2. I quickly judge them…”you shouldn’t be eating that!”
Me: What someone else eats is NOT your business. It could have been you yesterday. It could be you tomorrow. You’re judging because it shines a light on that place in you that loses control sometimes & that scares you. Don’t judge. Don’t be harsh. Focus on yourself.
We leave the party.
Michael: I’m stopping for a cup of coffee.
Me: Oh my God!!!!!!! I wanted a brownie soooooo bad. I’m glad I didn’t eat it. Thank goodness she (hostess) didn’t give us the brownies for Sam & Janie!
Michael: I know. They probably wouldn’t have survived the ride home to “Sam & Janie”.
Safely at home.
Me: Let’s eat a Kashi (2 pt) cookie to get that sweet tooth out of your system. Ok, better choice. Not perfect (cause you don’t need it), but better.
Sunday morning and all is well. I survived the temptations & cravings. I’m not looking back on last night wishing I had of given into them – so obviously I made the right choices for me.
I realize I’m not going to fit into those jeans after one night of “saying no to high calorie indulgences” but more nights (and days) like that strung together will get me where I want to be. One meal at a time!