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Notes from April

April 7, 2009


Whether you’re a boot camper that’s attended 1 class or someone that’s been with us from day 1 (2 yrs & 5 mo ago!!) we have choices to make EVERY DAY!!  Without a clear understanding of our GOAL(s) and the REASONS we want to accomplish them – it’s all too easy to give in-to settle-do nothing!

Yesterday-I had choices to make!  Which ultimately turned into an opportunity for growth.

It was raining & cold (much like today!)  and I’ve got a 6 mile run on my training schedule.   A FAR cry from the beautiful weather we had at SSI!  My day started with a text message from my sister-in-law.  Not good.  I’d done something that hurt her feelings.  (super ick..someone’s mad at me & doesn’t like me right now!)  Then came a long ass email from my accountant.  A “to do” list that made me want to go back to SSI (or as far south as I could get!!)  and I’ve got a 6 mile run on my training schedule!  Also on tap was “Defeat Diabetes Day” at ARMC.  We had to lug tons of “stuff” from the car in the rain to set up-at 7am!  Then the kids schedules…baseball practice, birthday parties (which means a present!), etc.  The dogs (wiping their feet every time they want to come in & out the house-like 1 million times-from the rain & mud-‘cause we need sod and another reason for me to feel “bad”!  Thought:  “my back yard looks like trailer park trash” Nice!)  And time to pay some bills!  And all the freaking letters from any camp the kids have EVER gone to and that I MUST send them back to or surely I’m not a good parent!  Which led me to think “I should call my parents more”-translation-“I’m the worst daughter ever”!  Michael’s out of town (working on his USTA certification) and I’ve got a 6 mile run on my training schedule! He won’t know if I miss it-I could lie!  (I don’t know where that girl was that qualified for the Boston Marathon, but she was NOWHERE to be found yesterday morning and late into the afternoon!  I felt like the girl in my “before” picture!) Wah! Wah! Wah!  I was drowning in self-pity & negative thoughts!!    Crappy, mean & hurtful  thoughts that were taking me as far back as middle school.  Could I possibly dig up 1 more dirty ugly bone?  YES!  I could have had this mental masturbation of self loathing for hours or days or months  (just like I used to live) And it’s those thoughts & “stuff” (accompanied by the “poor me” attitude!) that use to make me go straight to the cereal box!  And/or skip a workout!  In the past, I’ve often times “dealt” with these life situations/thoughts by nibbling (or sometimes downright CHOWING!)my way through them.

But…I’m not that girl anymore!  (and YOU don’t have to be either!)  I don’t have to stay stuck in that place (and YOU don’t have to either!)

At any moment-we can chose to change our thoughts –which will affect our behavior.  By 11 o’clock I literally said “Stop it!”  out loud.  I had to dig deep into my arsenal (‘cause you need some heavy artillery when you’re dealing with “bones” from middle school.)  I would not permit myself to think another bad thought about myself.  If one popped up-I changed it.  It’s the most powerful, life changing of events.  Change your thoughts and you change your world!!
I also had to take some action.  I chose to come from a place of humility and apologized to my sister in law.  I left the accountant a voice mail.  I took care of business-even  though I felt like hiding under the covers!!  I ate a healthy b’fast.  I baked some sweet potatoes for the day and packed some healthy snacks for ARMC.  I can’t tell you how many fast food (and other wise) quick food fix thoughts I had…but I didn’t do it!  I came home and made a LaTortilla turkey wrap with crunchy bell peppers.  I kept going through the motions EVEN THOUGH I DIDN’T FEEL like it!!  Again..what I felt like doing was giving in, giving up, settling (like the girl in my “before” picture!)  I saw Marti, Rachael, Becky & Cory running on Prince Ave-in the cold rain.  I got a boost!  They inspired me!

At 3 o’clock I made the decision to put on my running shorts.  I’m going to the Y.  (I felt some relief that I didn’t have to run outside in the rain-and honestly, I felt downright brilliant.  Why didn’t I think of this before?)  Now some of you may be thinking… “HAVE” to run?  And the answer is Yes-It’s on my training schedule and My goal (and my motivation for the goal) is to have a certain time, and a certain experience at the Boston Marathon April 20th!  (It’s this homework exercise that got me to the gym!)   I can’t just show up on April 20th without preparing!  I can’t just do that 19 mile run in the snow with Karen & be done with it!!  It’s too bad you can’t put a marathon (or any race for that matter) in your pocket & just pull it out when you need it.  EVERY day you have a choice to make.  You work towards your goal(s) or you don’t!  You keep your eye on your PRIZE -and come hell (or some really crappy thoughts, emotions, experiences) you do it!!  Even if you procrastinate ‘til the last minute and have to pull out every mental “weapon” you’ve got to fight those nasty negative thoughts…You do it!

I willed my car to the Y and I finished my run yesterday at 4:59pm.  (The Y closed at 5pm!)  I had a good solid run (that started out 1 step at a time-just going through the motions) with some new tunes I downloaded from the Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack.  By the time I finished, I was a bad ass ready to take on the Boston Marathon and that mentally broken middle school girl was nowhere to be found!!

Why do I tell share this with you?  Because I believe it has to be said.  It’s my burning desire for YOU to experience positive changes – dreams-goals…for you to KNOW that change IS possible for YOU.  That your world changes when you change your thoughts and that ACTION IS REQUIRED on your part-whether you FEEL like it or NOT!

Yesterday-I had choices to make!  Which ultimately turned into an opportunity for growth.

I’m JUST like you-We’re all in this together, right?!?

Now…on to today’s 12 miler.

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